Woops. It's been a month. I would say I fell off the face of the planet but I think that would be an incorrect statement. It was more like when you flush the toilet only half way and it just kinda idles forever but nothing ever goes anywhere. ...ok, that was disgusting. I apologize.
But you get the idea.
I have been busy though.
I booked two student films. And started filming one last weekend and have rehearsal for the other tomorrow morning before I go to my two jobs. It has been a month of no days off and 16 hour work days. Plus the two hours commute I've been spending on the bloody subway. But I am hustling. I am showing up. And man, am I tired.
But let me tell you about my first experience kissing a stranger to get a job. It's not as bad as it sounds. So I auditioned for a NYU film called "Mirrors" and was called back to see if I had chemistry with the guy who would play my husband. The movie takes place in the 1950s so you can just imagine the fun I am having with the hairstyles. :) Pictures to come.
I go in for the callback and read the sides. uh-huh. In plain text, "Nancy leans in and kisses him." Well, believe it or not, I've never been cast in a role where I had to kiss anyone. I'm always the best friend, the lonely housewife, or the nurse. But I went in, said "Hey, nice to meet you." to the actor. And did the scene. And I gotta tell you...it's weird. It ain't sexy. But it must have worked because I got the job.
This last weekend we shot on an NYU soundstage, used green screen, shot in black and white, at one point I was standing on a turn table being spun slowly around like a porche on display. I had my own make up and hair crew, they had real 1950s appliances and checkered flooring and even had a Beyonce fan blowing my hair in one scene. It was hilarious ...and it was so friggin' fun. I really like film. I like the process and the machines. I like being able to do more than one take so that 1. there's no pressure to "get it right" the first time, and 2. you can try different things each time. I like that you don't have to try so hard. You just look into the camera or into your co stars eyes and have a conversation. There's not projection or large gesture. You just think or feel, and it shows up on screen. And I don't really mind the waiting either. When you are surrounded by the right balance of good spirited people, it could be fun to hang out for an hour as they adjust lighting while you play name that Disney tune. I could get used to this. And clearly it's a sign that I should keep submitting for these auditions considering that they are the only ones that are calling me in.
That's another thing. Auditioning for film goes like this: Submit your headshot online. They either call you or they dont. If they call you, they give you an appointment time and slides from the script. Usually a couple days before the audition but sometimes the night before. You don't have to memorize them. Just be familiar with it, make a few specific choices, and be done with it. Then you show up at the allotted time, they get you in the door, ten minutes tops you are outta there. And you continue with the rest of your day. No wasted time. No stress. They either want you or they don't. It takes a lot of pressure off knowing that it is almost always about the right looks and sound. So it isn't a personal slight if I don't get it. It just wasn't what they were looking for.
And if I don't get something, I've recently developed the mantra: "That's ok. It was because I was too pretty." Yes, you can laugh. But it's better than racking my brain for what I did wrong or telling myself it was because I was too fat or too bitchy or TOO TOO TOO. What's funny is that this director of the film said the people in her class who had to review the audition tapes said that I WAS too pretty for the role. I assured the director that I have no problems with ugly. Try me after an hour of hot yoga and a subway ride with no air conditioning. I can do Ugly.
Anyway. So I'm gonna keep on hustling and see what happens. Theater has been a dead end as of right now. If I get seen, they want me to sing. When I sing in auditions, I mess up or freak out. I don't know why singing for auditions puts the fear of jeebus in me but it does. And I haven't figured out if it's a good or bad fear. The good fear is one that you should push through. The bad is the kind that is telling you to back off. I like to sing for fun or I'd like to sing in a smoky underground speakeasy with only torch songs and jazz standards to keep me warm. Not 16 bars with an accompanist I don't know with people staring expectantly in my face. It's just not enjoyable. And it makes me nauseous.
So that's that. Am I 2.5 seconds away from running off to New Orleans in search of something new? Or a horse ranch in Texas? Or a shack by the ocean where I can write nothing but dark empty prose and curse the world for its fickleness? Oh my, yes. But I'm still here. I'm still kicking. And the discipline and streamlining coming up in my life is only going to get worse. Or better. Depending on how you look at it.
But I can guarantee by the end of this chapter of my life, no one will be able to say I didn't try.
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